I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
