You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
