Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
