and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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