Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
