Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
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We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
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My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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