Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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