You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
