He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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