I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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