New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize