My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
