she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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