Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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