i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
