it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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