Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize