I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
