he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
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I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
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Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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