drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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