Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
