he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.