Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
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