if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
