i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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