She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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