I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
