I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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