Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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