I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
