So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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