I'm jealous of your bromance
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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