I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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