The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
