it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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