In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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