Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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