yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
