I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He felt like a one man threesome
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
