everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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