He uses pillows to masturbate.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
