coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
