i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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