How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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