yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
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Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
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I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
The air taste purple.
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