Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize