Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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