She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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