I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
