I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
