I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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