I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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