Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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