Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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