I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
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You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
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Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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