just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Your cock deserves a montage
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Never joke about your clitoris.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
