I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
